Bad-ass Bunnies

Time was when being an Easter Bunny was a fairly cushy job. Fair enough, there was one rather frantic morning a year, hopping about with a basket of chocolate, but hopping is what bunnies do, after all.

Sadly, times have changed. The modern Easter Bunny must, in addition to route-planning and load balancing, contend with speeding lorries, hypoglycemic feral youths, and suburban professionals who've watched one too many Ray Mears specials. Still, the Eggs Must Get Through, and so the modern bunny must be able to defend itself.

The Tactical Rabbit Defence Plan is a two-pronged approach. In the first instance, Bunnies are advised not to travel alone. Instead, they are deployed in groups, increasing the chances of intimitdating or defeating an attacker and, in the last resort, allowing one or more Bunnies to escape with the cargo. Each unit is referred to as a Wrack of Wrabbits.

Secondly, each bunny is equipped with a Frickin' Laser on it's Forehead.









The Battle Bunny is still, clearly, in a prototyping phase, and there are a number of technical issues to be overcome. Beam power is currently inadequate for purposes other than highlighting an attacker's complexion in an unflattering colour. Additionally, firing the weapon currently requires someone to stand behind the bunny and press the button, which could be tactically limiting in close quarters engagements.

Also, they're made out of chocolate, and the R&D team keep eating the subjects. NOM!

Doing Science, Part I

It was a sunny March day when our three intrepid explorers set off to the wilds of Folkestone, Kent, in search of fossils, fame and fortune. In particular, they sought the fabled yet elusive Catosaurus (of the Great Big Sharp Pointy Teeth and, it is rumoured, the Mean Stream a Mile Wide). It's eventual discovery is to ensure my place in the annals of scientific history. Regrettably, on this expedition, it was not to be. Despite extensive searching, even moving the odd stone aside and checking behind the rabbit, there was no trace of our quarry.

We did, however, find quite literally MILLIONS of fossils. We were stepping on them wherever we went, and tripped over a few. Regrettably, being ground down into chalk, they were less than photogenic, and we brought home only those we could carry on the knees of our jeans and in uncomfortable creases inside our socks. Scattered amongst these, we managed to find a couple of ammonites, a Not-Very-Big Sharp Pointy Tooth, and this belemnite which I consider particularly spectacular on the basis of having found it myself.

The study of the distant past, while fascinating in itself, is most valuable when brought to bear on our understanding of the present and, as persons of a rigorous scientific bent, this was the final part of our days researches. We applied our new-found knowledge of ancient sea life to an in-depth study of some more-recently deceased specimens. From this we learned
1) Fossils may be cool, but no amount of lemon juice will tenderise them
2) Jellied eels are too gross even for research purposes, and
3) Fish and chips really does taste nicer by the sea

Finally, my observations of the cooking apparatus at the chip shop we selected led me to believe that the oil was almost certainly being heated using fossil fuels, which may explain why we had such a hard time finding any good ones.

Next time, we will go somewhere with dinosaurs, although I'm a little worried about what we might have for dinner afterwards...